Setting Energetic Goals For Happiness

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We all want to improve ourselves in some way. The start of a new year seems the perfect time to re-evaluate ourselves and think of ways we can make our outlook on life more positive.

It’s easy to set goals such as getting fit or getting involved with different activities and these are great ways to increase our happiness. However, without consistency, achieving happiness in this way can only be short-lived.

That’s why setting goals around improving your energy is a much better way of cultivating the happiness we all want to have.

By energy, I mean the way we feel about things, people and situations. Asking yourself what is the energy is behind what you want to do – are you feeling good about it or are you feeling forced and reluctant?

Getting more in tune with our emotions is hugely important in guiding us on the right path. Many of us choose to ignore our gut feelings or dismiss our intuition about things but it’s exactly this that is routing us to a better direction.

Energetic goals could be anything from changing your mindset, trying to be more understanding about other people’s situations or opinions, being more open with people or more vulnerable with your feelings, or just not giving in to the comparison game. All these things involve your inner energy and emotions and effect how you feel which, in turn affects how you act and make others around you feel.

In fact it’s a massive circle that starts with you. If you change your mindset and outlook to a more positive and open one, it will radically change how you feel about yourself, those close to you, strangers you come into contact with, your reactions to negative situations and rubs off on everything around you.

So instead of trying to lose 10 pounds or vow to make more money, try evaluating your energy and set your goals around how you feel. How do you want to feel today, this week, this month or by this time next year? By doing this other areas of your life will magically transform for the better and increase your ability to see and feel happiness all around you 🙂

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Why Feeling Sorry For Yourself Is So Destructive For Your Happiness

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Life is full of ups and downs and the way in which we react to them are very different depending on our mindsets. But something we can all be guilty of is feeling sorry for ourselves.

While it’s normal, natural and healthy to feel our negative emotions to a situation, when it becomes too persistent and prolonged – even a habit – then it can have a detrimental effect on our happiness and well-being.

Do any of these describe you?

  • You tend to complain about life not being fair
  • You feel like you always have bad luck in life
  • You often think and feel the world or other people are out to get you
  • You think people who have great lives are the ‘lucky ones’
  • You struggle to find anything to be truly grateful for

As human beings, we are always drawn to the easier route and in this case it’s easier to feel sorry for ourselves than to pick ourselves up and face our problems. We can let our overwhelming feelings of pity get in the way of moving forward, creating a better mindset and better perspectives.

The problem with this is, we never really allow ourselves to reach our true potential of happiness.

It can blind you to the good that is right there in front of your face. You can push people away with constant ‘glass half empty’ chatter because, sometimes without knowing it, negativity can spread like wildfire to others around you.

None of us are perfect and we all throw ourselves a pity party every once in a while but to be more consistent in our personal discovery of happiness it’s really important to make a conscious effort to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward.

More often than not, negative emotions will breed more and more creating an everlasting circle and it’ll become a destructive habit. We believe it takes too much effort to start changing our thoughts, beliefs and perspectives  – that they’re too ingrained in us and something we have no control over – but it’s not true and to change our thoughts is never as hard as you think it is.

Next time you notice a prolonged period of time where you feel nothing ever goes right for you, just stop and take note of it. Make a conscious choice to see the opposite perspective. The people out there who are ‘lucky’ are no different to you and me other than the way they choose to see the world.

Make your happiness a choice…it’s not always something that just magically appears but does needs cultivating and consistent habits in order to achieve it 🙂

We Can’t Fully Be Happy Unless We Are Truly Our Authentic Selves

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It’s probably become a bit of a cliché to say that you should be yourself no matter what. But authenticity is a major factor in achieving a more peaceful, happy way of life.

We all have our little insecurities and hang ups whether it’s the way we look, certain parts of our personalities, how we sound or the way we walk. We often harbour beliefs about ourselves that can stop us showing others how we really are but by doing this and not embracing ourselves warts and all, we are shutting ourselves off from a lot of happiness potential.

Being yourself attracts more authentic people. When we are our true selves we are putting ourselves out there – we are being vulnerable and doing it anyway. We attract what we give out so by being as authentic as we can will attract others who are being authentic.

We will attract the right kind of people because they are seeing who we really are. By not fully embracing ourselves we can’t be fully embraced by others and the relationships and friendships that will bring us the happiness we need.

It will also deter the people who won’t fit into our lives and this isn’t a bad thing. Never worry that by being yourself others will see you and all the faults that you see in yourself – these are only a figment of our paranoid imaginations anyway!

Loving yourself is the best thing you can do. To be your authentic self you need to learn how to love yourself. Some people may need more work on this than others depending on the false beliefs and perspectives they have of themselves but you have no idea how many of the negative problems that occur in your life can be resolved by just seeing how amazing you are.

You don’t have to be successful, rich, give all your money to charity and help everyone but yourself until you’re stretched and exhausted, to be an amazing person. You are unique and wonderful just for the sheer fact you are alive and the sooner you realise this the better 😉

Learning not to be a people pleaser. How many times do we say yes to people out of politeness or not wanting to let them down? While this is good sometimes, you are putting yourself at risk of lowering your authenticity every time. You are going against what you truly want to do or say which only keeps up the pretence and illusion and may even cause you stress in the process.

Learn to say no and love and respect yourself more to not chase after people in order to please them. That doesn’t mean being rude and offhand – it’s about respecting your boundaries and asking others to respect them too.

Make peace with how your life is in the present moment. We’re all guilty of chasing after the happiness that will come when something happens and a lot of the time that something either never comes or doesn’t bring us the happiness we craved.

To be authentic means to live in the present moment; to appreciate right now and not be constantly living in the past or the future. We are not the person we were in the past nor are we the person we will be in the future. Embrace how you are right this second, go with the flow of how you’re changing and adapting to life’s experiences.

Don’t be who other people want you to be. Society has managed to inflict rules upon us that cause us to act, speak and often be people we feel others think we should be. By bowing down to a way of life that doesn’t truly match our inner selves and passions, we are shutting off our full potential.

Life is too short to live according to how others feel we should. Most of the time the beliefs that others have are from their own limited idea of the world and it’s these limitations that have the potential to stop you from showing yourself as you really are and reigning in your happiness in the process.

Don’t compare yourself to others. As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, comparisons are only detrimental to you. You can’t compare yourself to someone else – a completely different person with different perspectives, beliefs, thoughts and limitations. Doing this damages your ability to embrace who you are in the present moment and making peace with your own unique journey in life.

So remember, for your happiness to truly flourish you must make yourself your number one priority. This isn’t about being selfish, it’s about going to the source and creating the means to living a life you want. Loving yourself and being authentic can only affect others around you in a happy and positive way so it’s the least selfish thing you can do 🙂

Do You Focus Too Much On Lack?

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I think we can all be guilty of this. When life isn’t quite going our way we focus on just that – that life is not going our way! What about what is going our way?

It’s become a bit of a cliché when it comes to happiness – be grateful and appreciate what you have in life – it goes over our head because we’ve heard it a million times and we stop applying it to our own lives.

But there’s great power in how you focus. There are times in life when everything is moving along perfectly and there are times when, well, it just isn’t. However, the way in which you step back and look at what is going on – the bigger picture – really can be the difference between feeling positive and just feeling crappy.

If your life is taking a turn or you are struggling to see how life is good try to steer away from focusing on the lack.

Our minds are naturally drawn to focus on lack and what we don’t currently have in our lives that we would like to have. If we want the perfect job but feel we don’t have it, we may focus on our current job and what’s wrong with it like the annoying boss and the boring work, but instead try and focus on what’s good about it. Maybe your commute is short and trouble-free, you have fun colleagues, the pay is enough to deal with your bills. The more you focus on the good things about a situation that’s less than ideal, the more you can cope with it.

Remember every situation is temporary and we’re continually moving forward. When we focus on the better things, our mind fights us and thinks we’re trying to accept a situation we hate and thinking about the negative aspects is somehow helping us, that focusing on what’s not there but wish was is somehow going to help us change the situation – but it’s not!

Focusing on the abundance rather than the lack isn’t about giving in. It isn’t about  just accepting the situation and desperately trying to be happy about it. It’s not about accepting it’ll never change; it’s about changing your inner thoughts which, in turn, will gradually change your level of happiness. It’s when you’re in this better state of happiness that you’ll be in a better state for moving forward and inspired action will present itself to you – that perfect job will suddenly appear in the strangest of ways!

So next time you find yourself focusing on something you don’t have like a relationship, perfect job, perfect house or enough money, try to change your thinking to that of abundance – the love of your friends and family, a job that pays the bills for now, a roof over your head (maybe a small one but a roof all the same!) and the money to buy you what you need.

Remember focusing on abundance is about putting that monkey mind at ease and allowing it to enter a more positive state that will go towards opening up paths to new opportunities that frustration, apathy and depression from focusing on lack can block.

So perhaps try noticing how much you focus on lack and change your perspective to that of abundance. Make it a conscious, consistent habit and start seeing the positive changes to your happiness 🙂

 

The Importance of Mindset In Your Journey To Happiness

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Happiness is subjective – it can mean different things to different people. What will make one person happy may not make another feel the same way.

However, there are certain universal habits we can all adopt that will help us along in the journey to our own unique happiness and one of them is mindset.

Life has its ups and downs and we are inevitably going to come across hurdles and challenges – this is the reality of life. But how we choose to look at these times in our life can add to, or take away from, our personal happiness.

Mindset affects our responses to a particular situation or can, for example, determine how much effort we put into something and the strategies we adopt. Since we all have goals in life and situations we come across, mindset is particularly important in how we deal with life in general.

When it comes to our happiness, there are two types of mindset we can have – one is fixed mindset and the other is growth mindset.

Fixed Mindset – This kind of mindset damages our ability to experience happiness. A lot of us have it without even knowing and has been ingrained in us from a young age through the people around us.

A person with a fixed mindset believes everything is measurable and focuses on the goal outcome with an expectation of either success or failure with failure being the worst thing in the world. A person with a fixed mindset ignores the learning process, gets depressed and loses self-esteem easily becoming pessimistic (especially in the way they explain the world to themselves) if the outcome wasn’t as expected. They give up easily if a strategy or anything they set out to do didn’t work out for them.

Growth Mindset – This mindset is key to being much happier in our lives and for many is not a mindset we are overly familiar with.

A person with a growth mindset acknowledges that they will always learn from situations, hard times and challenges and be able to bounce back and be resilient. They believe that they are always growing and learning and that success in life (whatever that may be for you) is a continuous development of their skills. They reflect on strategies or situations and try alternatives if they didn’t work out. In essence, there’s no such thing as failure because it’s all about the journey, learning from mistakes and improving themselves.

 

So how do we adopt a growth mindset?

First of all realise you have a choice to change your mindset. It may not be an instant change but acknowledging you have the power to change your thinking, beliefs and perspectives is key to a happier mindset.

  1. Look out for your fixed mindset voice, it’ll say things like “What if you fail?”. We all have it somewhere – it’s pesky and undermining us!
  2. Recognise you have a choice to change it – we are all capable of changing and replacing thoughts to more positive ones (meditation is good for this!)
  3. Talk back to your fixed mindset with a growth mindset – the key to changing your fixed mindset is to challenge it: “are you sure you can do this?” “I’m not sure if I can do it now but with time and effort I can learn.”
  4. Act with your growth mindset and accept failure can happen and that it’s okay. It’s a process and a learning curve for growth – learn from setbacks and show yourself compassion.

Happiness is all in our mind and it’s our choice and our decision. It’s also subjective to each and every one of us but for everyone it’s important how we look at our journey to happiness. Bad things happen and it’s part of life, but we have a choice in how we look at them and interpret them.

Life can be challenging but with a growth mindset it’s about embracing your negative feelings and emotions but also not letting yourself dwell too much – understand that it’s an opportunity for growth rather than a setback.

Remember happiness is not luck, it’s a way of thinking 🙂

 

 

 

The Importance of Releasing Your Past To Be Happy

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I came across this quote recently that really struck a chord.

“The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life.”

People always tell us that to be truly happy we need to live fully in the present moment. But while this is true, we can still find ourselves living in the past – longing for past situations, believing that we were happier then than we are now or maybe thinking about negative things that have happened to us and not quite being able to move past it.

I completely agree with this quote. How can we honestly say the past was better in some way when we weren’t fully aware of those present moments? If we constantly live in a state of desperately wanting the past how are we truly living in the now?

The past does matter but only in so much as it has made you into the person you are today. The past has its place, in that, you are the person you are because of what has happened before. This is to be cherished both for those good times and those tough times but to move forward you have to release on past situations.

The future will one day be your past. This shows that nothing actually matters other than the present moment. If the past has happened and the future will one day be your past, you only really have the present moment to be truly happy.

Realise you’re not the same person. If you find yourself longing for the past or the person you once were, remember that you aren’t the same person anymore. You probably have different perspectives, beliefs and ideas that wouldn’t serve you back then. Embrace your growth and know you are always moving forward in the right direction.

Know the importance of letting go. Guilt, anger, bitterness and resentment all stem from past experiences that, no matter how much we hang on to them, don’t serve us in our quest to be happy. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning what happened, it just means letting go of the situation and the negative feelings surrounding it in order for you to move on.

A lot of our current negative beliefs are based on our past. It’s hard to change our mindset or perspective on something when we’ve had negative experiences connected with it but remember to think of each new present moment as a clean slate. We have the power to change our negative beliefs at anytime and not be a slave to the past.

As I said, the past has its place. The awareness of the past can lead you to a further understanding of the present but never dwell on past situations or experiences – process them, move forward and be happy in the here and now  🙂

Why Making Comparisons Is Ruining Your Happiness

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How many times have you compared your life to those around you and felt that panic or overwhelming dissatisfaction for your present circumstances? You feel like you’re not at the stage you were meant to be or you’ve somehow fallen behind in life while they are exactly where you want to be.

I believe no one is alone in feeling this. With current social media exposing us to every nook and cranny of people’s lives, it’s hard not to notice and compare our journey to others.

But comparing ourselves to others hinders our happiness in so many ways.

Remember that everyone is potentially going through a battle we don’t know about. Don’t judge or compare your life to someone else’s seemingly ‘happy and perfect’ life because you don’t know what they are truly going through. They may have it all or have what you want to have but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are happy.

Don’t take social media at face value. People are extremely willing to put up the best bits of their life on social media especially Facebook or Instagram which gives the impression on the outside that this is the sum total of their life – happy and carefree. What you don’t know is the possible depression they are secretly battling with or their own dissatisfaction with life. This is why we can’t ever take social media at face value as we’re only seeing people’s highlight reels – it’s not a true representation of reality.

Always remember that our negative thoughts and feelings aren’t real. When you get these feelings when comparing yourself to others it’s kind of illogical – you can’t compare yourself to someone else because they are on a completely different path to you despite what you may think.

The comparison game never stops. The main reason we compare is because we are unhappy with our own lives. The key to combating comparison is to simply be more relaxed and happy with the way our lives are because even if you achieved the life others have, there will always be something else to be unhappy with.

Comparison just kills your focus and own happiness. Comparison is just a distraction from your own wonderful journey in life. So what if it’s not the same as hers or his? By focusing on others you aren’t focusing on yourself which is far more important.

See your unhappiness as a stop on your journey to happiness. Making comparisons are a sign of our own unhappiness. It happens to the best of us but just trust that this is where you’re meant to be in the present moment. Everyone is at different stages in both life and happiness and you are where you’re meant to be. Trust you will get where you need to be to be happy when it’s your time.

Finally, you don’t know what happiness means to other people. Just because being successful in your career is your definition of happiness doesn’t mean it is for someone else. Always keep this in mind when making assumptions of other people.

It’s so important to focus on your own happiness and stop being concerned with those around you. Yes, it’s not always easy to do, but taking steps to concentrate on the appreciation you have for your current life – no matter what stage you’re at –  will attract the things you want into your life and be happy with them.

Remember, your happiness is personal to you and no one else 🙂